Motivation Over Goals

The "WHAT" and the "WHY" are both very important for us to set and achieve our goals. Yet so often we prioritise the what. We know what our goal is, what we want to achieve, and what we think we should want to achieve. However, we often don't think about the reason we want to achieve something.

Why? That is a good question. I think the 'what' is often way easier to define than the 'why'. However, I am convinced that if we achieve our Vision solely by answering our 'what' but have no purpose behind it, the achievement of our goals will still leave us feeling empty.

Let's explore why.

Are My Goals My Goals?

One of the main reasons I think people achieve their aspirations and yet still feel empty is that it was never truly a goal they wanted to achieve themselves, but rather something they felt they should achieve due to societal standards. The education, the job, the house, the million. There is this idea out there to achieve those things, but I am pretty certain that for most people, when they actually would take time to think about what they want to achieve, those things would not be on the list, or at least not in the extravagance they seem to build up at the moment.

As I've already explored in the post 'Journey Over Destination', we can have these targets that are more set by society or social media than by ourselves.

So even if we achieve these things, we won't feel fulfilled because we were chasing achievements that were not really part of our 'game', to go back to the video-game analogy. Not everyone has to be a millionaire in order to be happy.

Figuring out the deeper desire for what we want to achieve helps us separate the targets we think we need to accomplish because of society from the aspirations we actually want to achieve with intrinsic motivation.

Chasing Feelings

Another way I think we make ourselves miserable by pursuing our vision without knowing why is that we are chasing a feeling. We want to feel a certain way, and we assume that if we achieve a certain stage in life, find the right partner, and have a house, then we will feel loved, worthy, and proud (insert whatever you want to feel).

The thing is, you take yourself with you. When you've reached that goal, you will still be yourself. What you are not feeling now, you won't feel when you have achieved your goal.

Learning to love yourself, see yourself as worthy, be proud of yourself, and be content. That is a daily choice and process that cannot be skipped or ignored in pursuit of a goal. It is inner work, inner healing - figuring out your identity beyond your achievements.

Chasing feelings is like chasing wind; you'll never catch them. Are your feelings important? Yes, absolutely. They help us figure out what is happening; they are indicators that something around us is triggering something within us. However, they are not there to guide us, and certainly not for us to chase after.

I believe that joy, love, and contentment are much more of a choice and action than we acknowledge them to be. A choice and action that you can take today, not by pursuing a goal somewhere in the distance, but by choosing it in the moment.

Now, I am not saying that you cannot feel down, unloved, unworthy, or all these things. But don't rush over those feelings by saying, 'When I achieve that, then I won't feel these anymore.' Deal with those feelings. Why are you feeling unloved? Is that true, or is it a wound that has been opened?

You are loved, worthy, and deserve to be joyful and content.

The Why

So if chasing a feeling doesn't satisfy, what does? That’s where purpose - the deeper desire - comes in. Feeling fulfilled in the achievements of our goals, in my opinion, has everything to do with purpose. And that seems big, but I think it boils down to where do you 'hurt' the most? What if you could change it in a heartbeat, would you change? And why?

Why do you want to be a millionaire? Why do you want your own house?

For instance, I would love the be more financially independent because I would love to spend more time with my family, and I would like to travel more. I would also love to have a big house with a garden, as I enjoy being hospitable. I enjoy creating a space where people can relax and feel at peace. I would love to have the space to take people in who need a break from life.

So, underlying my 'goals' to be financially independent and have a house is the desire to spend time with people, to create a community, to connect with others.

Now, financial independence and a house certainly make those things easier, but they are in no way, shape, or form a necessity. I can be hospitable in my apartment and invite people over. So in truth, my goal isn't financial independence itself - it's community.

So, if I start working towards financial independence without also building a community, I will reach the goal, but I may feel like I've achieved something for a short while. However, I will become unsatisfied pretty quickly. However, I am also working on creating a community and achieving financial independence. I will start feeling more achieved and satisfied, even if I don't reach my goal of financial freedom.

Another example - I wanted to study for a long time. But while I was doing it, I was miserable most of the time. I realised that I just wanted to study to prove that I was capable of doing it, because someone in my past had told me that I was not 'intelligent' enough.

My goal at university was motivated by 'proving someone wrong', a person who was no longer in my life. I stopped it - because I realised that, to do what I love, I don't need a degree - it was a waste of time and money.

Realising why we have a goal and what the trigger, the motivation behind it is leads us to creating a fulfilling life, maybe even without reaching that goal.

However, one might argue that in my examples, those things were not truly goals - they were means to achieve a goal. And I guess that is true in a way, but without asking the "why" question, I would have never figured that out.

Staying On Track

But understanding your why doesn’t just bring meaning — it also gives you endurance.

Understanding the reason behind wanting to achieve a goal helps us stay on track. If I wanted to be a doctor, I would have to jump through a huge number of hoops. I would need to pass the EMS (in Switzerland, equivalent to the MCAT in the US or UCAT in the UK), then study for multiple years, complete internships, and so on. It is not guaranteed that I will pass the EMS on my first try or have a high enough score to get admitted. And studying is hard, residency is hard.

If I only know that I want to be a doctor but not why, I am more likely to give up when I endure hardship. Because for most people, the goal alone, without the reason or motivation, just is not enough to keep us going.

So if you want to achieve your goals and feel fulfilled when you reach them, question your WHY.

Figure out the root of why you want to achieve something and if that 'why' really is coming from a healthy place.

Not only will you be more likely to reach your goal, but you'll also learn a lot about yourself in the process.

Keep It Flexible

And never forget, your vision can change. What is important to you in your life might change, and that is okay. Letting go of aspirations that are no longer relevant to you and the life you want to live, and picking up new ones, is one of the most amazing things you can learn to do.

So even if you have your goals and your why's check in from time to time to see if that is still where you want to go. I hope you find joy and fulfilment on your journey there.