Accountability Over Independence

Some life lessons are learned easily. Others take time. And some can only be learned once you've unlearned deeply rooted beliefs.

This topic falls into the third category for me - the one I am probably still struggling with the most. The one I fully understand intellectually would be the best way to go forward, yet I still struggle massively to do so.

Perhaps that is why I want to talk about it, not because I fully live it, but because I wish I could the most.

Illusion Of Safety

This struggle ties into a broader, counter-cultural reality: in the West, we place a huge value on independence. Even with small children, people often worry about them being too dependent — at an age when dependence is not only normal, but necessary for developing healthy future relationships. But no, we seek to raise independent people, so what is the great thing about independence?

I think independence carries this illusion of safety. If I am Independent and, in a way, self-sufficient, then no one can hurt me or take anything away from me. I won't have to rely on others to get things done.

And for some reason, we think that this is how it should work, this lonely hero theory, that I really do not know where it comes from. Because most of our superheroes are not independent. Simba has Timon and Pumba, Batman has Robin and Alfred, and The Avengers have each other. Yet somehow, we have developed the idea in the West that the best life we can live is one of independence, separate and distant from those around us.

As a result, I feel like we get stuck in a cycle of generation after generation, friend after friend, repeating the same mistakes instead of sitting down and learning from one another. We get disconnected and fight our own, lonely battles, pretending that things are fine when they are really not. Believing that if we just push through, it will be fine.

Healing The Past - Not Dealing With The Present

Of course, we go to therapy because mental health is important, we want to deal with our past and how others have negatively influenced our lives and development - but we often resist letting anyone speak into our present - unless it is to help "fix" what was broken in the past.

We are willing to invest in fixing what is broken, but not so much in preventing it from getting broken. Because we don't really want anyone to take a deep look into our present life and question our habits and choices. We lack accountability. And if you are anything like me, there is something in you right now that cramps up, because even the thought of someone else speaking into your life is challenging.

But it is worth it. Finding a person who is allowed that deeper look into our lives helps us find and stay on our path. Someone who can challenge us while also encouraging us, who helps us reach our full potential.

Choosing A Different Path

I am still looking for someone who is willing to walk with me for a longer period. But for a short time, I've had people like that, and they've massively encouraged and helped me become a better, more authentic person.

In that sense, I encourage you to seek out a mentor who is willing to guide you and help you become the best, most authentic version of yourself.

To start, try finding someone who excels in one area of life you admire - maybe someone at your gym with a solid routine, a colleague thriving in their role, or even your grandmother who always keeps a clean house. Whatever the area, look for someone who consistently does what you’d like to do - and start a conversation

You don’t need to walk your path alone. Independence might feel safe, but it’s in accountability that we grow. If I could tell my 20-year-old self one thing, it would be this: find someone who sees you clearly, loves you enough to challenge you, and walks with you faithfully. That’s where real strength lies.