Journey Over Destination

We often rush toward our goals, eager to reach the next milestone as quickly as possible. But life isn’t a race to the finish line—it’s a journey. And the journey itself is where the real growth happens.

Why The Rush

I think there is the idea, and in my opinion, the lie, that we have to have it all in our twenties: business, Money, Family or at least a partner, a house or an apartment, a plan for the next 20 years, travel—the more exclusive, the better.

Online advertisements of how to make quick money and grow your business fast.

When we don't have that, we feel behind, like we are failing at life, even though we are doing and giving our best, and life becomes overwhelming.

Social media is no help here either, showing the highlight reel of our "friends" travelling the world, eating out, and doing all the fun stuff seemingly every week.

All of a sudden, we find ourselves in this hole, feeling incapable of living up to the "expectations" or at least the goalposts the world around us seems to set. And maybe this is where some of the hopelessness and frustration comes from that leads to the various mental health issues - I am not saying this is an absolute and it is the reason, but it might be one of them.

So, the idea of having it all in our twenties makes us rush and try to get it all, while at the same time, it robs us of our "will to life" and creates hopelessness because we feel we can never get there.

Here is a little nod of "truth" - you don't have to have it all in your twenties, you don't have to have it all in your thirties, actually, let me tell you a secret:

You don't have to have it all at all.

Enjoying The Journey

When we stop chasing, we start realising that there is no need to hurry through life - really, there is not. Yes, life is short, but rushing through it will not make it longer.

So, let's take a moment and breathe. You are doing fine. Life is a journey, not a destination, so let's treat it that way.

Let's stop rushing from milestone to milestone, weekend to weekend, holiday to holiday and actually enjoy the process, the weekdays, the everyday ordinary life. Because here is where we spend most of our time. The milestone is achieved in a moment, the weekend is over in two days, and the holiday is over in a week or so, and then it is back to ordinary everyday life.

And that starts with appreciating it. When I am away for a longer time - even if I am travelling and doing amazing things - I miss my bed, my favourite mug, my desk, and the little plants.

In the end, it is everyday life that we miss once we are removed from it for a longer time.

Yes, I am aware that I might be speaking from a place of privilege, having all of these things, but even if you don't have all of these things, I believe there are things that you can be appreciative of - even if it is just the breath in your lungs.

Another big step in learning to appreciate our everyday ordinary lives is to stop comparing. The grass will always be greener on the other side; what you don't see is that it is plastic and painted green. So stop looking over the fence - and that might start with reducing social media usage. It might be learning that people take one trip and post pictures of that trip for the next half-year.

For me, one of the things I needed to stop comparing myself with was dealing with my hair. I used to really like my hair, so I started to watch ways to style it, and for a while, I started to dislike my hair. Why? Because I could not replicate the hairdos I was watching. My hair was too thin, frizzy, and straight, not straight enough, to do what was done in the video. Until I found out and realised that often those hairdos that look absolutely great are done with extensions or added hair to thicken and create more volume.

Of course, I could not replicate it with my natural hair.

How often do we fall for those little things, where the prerequisites are completely different, and we compare ourselves to something that just is not achievable under those circumstances?

Because I don't know, and I cannot give a clear way to find out, my recommendation is: Let's just stop. Let's run our race, play our game, live our life, and stop looking left and right.

Highs And Lows

As we run this "race" of life, we will encounter highs and lows, both of which hold incredible value. So, both are worthwhile to take a break and reflect upon—the highs to celebrate and the lows to learn from.

I think we often rush through them, but actually learning to stop and celebrate or take time to grieve a loss and let it heal truly.

Celebrating the wins is necessary because life is hard, too hard to ignore the bigger and smaller wins we have along the way.

So what have you achieved during the last 3 months? - For this next section, we are going to do an exercise, so take out a pen and paper and start to write things down:

The Small Things

Don't think big - the smallest thing that comes to your mind? Did you make your bed once when you've never done it before? Did you not snap back at a comment you received, but stayed calm? Did you read an Article when you have not read since leaving school?

For me, a small thing I achieved was drinking at least 2l of water every day and resting from running for a couple of days because my knees hurt. I know this might be a weird one, but listening to my body was an achievement.

The Medium Things

Now that we've gone through the small things, did you achieve something bigger? Did you read a book? Did you spend a day without your phone? Did you make that phone call you were worried about?

For me, it's been calling my doctors for a general check-up (which they told me was not necessary) and leaving my phone on my desk when I go to bed for the last three weeks.

The Big Things

Alright - now, maybe you have some big things you've achieved. Have you changed a habit? Have you run a marathon? Have you got a new job? Have you aced a big exam or finished an essay, paper, etc.?

For me, it was finishing 75-Hard and starting this blog.

Alright, look at your paper...

Look at you! Well done!

Whether it's one small thing or a list of things, you have ACHIEVED stuff over the last couple of months. Congratulations!

Take a moment to celebrate.

Now, part of life is celebration, and part of it is grieving. Now I don't want you to dig up anything in order to be able to grieve - in my experience, life brings up things that we had enough space to grieve at the right time - no reason for us to go and dig just to dig.

But I would love for you to make the commitment, that when you feel sad, when you realise something is wrong, when a memory comes up or when something happens to you that causes you discomfort, sadness, grieve, anger or any other - what is considered negative - emotion. I want you to commit to not ignoring or rushing through it, not to pick up your phone or a video game, YouTube or netflix or other numbing habits to distract yourself from it, but to take time to feel the emotion and work through it. To grieve, give sadness space, allow anger to rush through your body - push a cushion or scream, or whatever you need - just do not hurt someone else or yourself! And share how you are doing with someone you trust, and if you don't have anyone you trust, seek out a counsellor (BetterHelp is a great way to find one - I am not sponsored).

I would love for you to learn to deal with those emotions to process them rightly.

In Due Time

Processing our emotions, if we aim to do it right, takes time and patience. But as we begin to see, the process itself is worthwhile. But it is connected with something else we might struggle with: waiting. Waiting for the healing, the growth, for the things we long for.

Here is the thing: Do you think the food quality is better at McDonald's or the 5-star restaurant in the city centre?

I hope we can agree that it is a five-star restaurant. Will we wait longer for the food there? Yes, because good things take time. Here is where this fast culture is not serving us well. Good things take time - we don't just get them immediately. Building a new habit takes time, getting stronger, fitter takes time, and learning a new skill takes time. But you will get there if you stay with it, if you stay consistent.

Another part of that is that timing matters. Growing up, I desperately wanted a dog. I was sure I was going to be able to look after it right - my father refused. Now that I have a dog, I am so thankful that he stayed firm on that. I was not able to look after a dog at that age; I overestimated myself completely. Having a dog would have kept me from doing a lot of the travels I ended up doing.

So even though I thought I was able to deal with a dog and that this was exactly what I wanted, I was not ready, and there were a lot of other experiences I had to make because I did not have a dog.

But now I have one, and it is great, and I enjoy it. I can give him what he needs - most of the days, I can organize and plan my travels so that I can take him with me - or I have a people that he knows and I trust who can watch him over a weekend or a couple of days if I cannot take him.

What I want to say is that things don't always come when we want them, but they come at the right time. And in advance, we don't always see the reason, but in hindsight, it makes sense. So, in due time, good things will come, and if we have to wait a little longer, I am sure it has a reason.

Journey Over Destination

Summarising all of this - what I am sharing is: Don't try to run another person's race and don't look for sidequests the voices out there tell you. Live your life, don't try to rush and sprint life when it is a marathon.

Enjoy the journey YOU are on, run or walk at your own pace, celebrate the highs, feel and work through the lows. Know that "good things take time" and that "in due time" the right things will come your way; remain patient and consistent as you wait.So over the next couple of days, think maybe pick one of those things to think about or put into practice:

• If you have not done the achievement exercise - do that

• Allow yourself to feel "negative" emotions

• Write a list of all the things you are thankful for in your life

• Try to note when you compare yourself to others, and remind yourself that you are living your own life

  
  

I hope these will help you to arrive in the present and appreciate the journey you are on.